The Fan Once More, With Feeling
by Joan the Vampire Slayer
Summary: This is a 'Filk' re-write of the BTVS episode 'Once More, With Feeling'. I attempted here to sum up some of the things I've heard from most sections of fandom about Sixth Season of 'Buffy'. Spoiler warning for sixth season - New parts uploaded.
1. The Fan 'Once More, With Feeling'

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody of the "Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" sixth-season episode, "Once More, With Feeling" (the "Musical" episode). All music that this is set to is copyright 2001 by Mutant Enemy and Twentieth Century Fox. Original lyrics in this parody are hereby released into the public domain by the author, with the sole proviso that both these lyrics and any directly derived from these may not be used for any commercial purpose(s) whatsoever. Other than that, *freely* distribute them/post them/print them/pass them on in any way you see fit. And I'd appreciate it if you left this disclaimer and the Author's Notes at the end with it.  
  
  
The Fan "Once More, With Feeling"  
  
(Opens on a fan settling down in front of a TV screen, as a familiar set of credits begins to roll; she is humming gently to herself.)  
  
Fan:Every single week, the same old story  
The fans all put their hearts on line,  
But now we see a strange estrangement  
Nothing here is good - No character is right!  
We've been having fun since show's Day One  
But lately that's all done  
'Cause they're just going through the motions  
Yanking on heartstrings  
Leaving out the most important things!  
  
They were always strong at art of writing  
Now I find they're wavering  
Open up your eyes  
Give us plots that sing!  
  
Mutant Enemy:You don't mean a thing!  
  
Fan (dejectedly):Thanks for noticing.  
  
Trio of fans:They do really well  
With raising Hell  
But lately we can tell  
That they're just going through the motions  
Losing it somehow.  
  
(Member of trio is looking over a recent script)  
  
Trio member:They're not half that writers that they - (Eyes bug) - OW!!!  
  
Fan:Will they stay this way forever?  
Sleepwalk through their fans' loud clamors?  
  
Second Fan:-You are hurting us...  
  
Mutant Enemy:-Whatever.  
  
Fan:I don't want to see...  
Them just going through the motions  
Shuckin' us some jive.  
Oh please, oh please, ME,  
Won't you try to see  
Your writing sure's taken... A DIVE!  
  
  
  
  
  
(Opens on a bunch of fans sitting in a living room trying to figure out what exactly has gone on that the writing [plots, consistent characterization, canon, clarity, and lots of other things starting with the letter "C"] has slipped so badly, after half a season's worth of it has passed.)  
  
  
First fan:I've got a theory - It could be burnout  
To all the writers - No, something isn't right here...  
  
Second fan:I've got a theory - Joss is distracted  
And we're all stuck inside some dumb soap opera nightmare.  
  
Fan wearing a nametag  
reading "Chuck":I've got a theory they won't work it oooout!  
  
All:It's kind of eerie how we're so leery of future shows!  
  
Third Fan:It could be Bad Drugs  
Some Really Bad Drugs  
  
(receives glares from other fans)  
  
Third Fan:Which is ridiculous   
'Cause ME gives message that Drugs Are Bad and Just Say No   
And Good Clean Minds and I'll be over here.  
  
Fan with a T-shirt reading  
"Lone Gun Fan":I've got a theory - It could be Marti!  
  
(All fans look at her)  
  
Second fan:I've got a theory-  
  
Lone Gun Fan:Marti's not innocent like everybody supposes!  
She jams her twenties down our throats and says it comes up roses!  
And what's with all those interviews?  
Why does she insult all her fans anyhow?  
Marti! Marti! It must be Marti!!!  
  
(fans blink and look around at each other)  
  
Lone Gun Fan:... Or maybe "Firefly".  
  
Second Fan:I've got a theory we should get out faaaaast,  
  
All:-Because it clearly could get much more worse before it's   
passed!  
  
Fourth Fan:I've got a theory-  
  
Quiet Fan:-It doesn't matter.  
  
(Quiet fan looks at all of the assembled fans)  
  
Quiet Fan:What can't we face if we're together?  
What can ME do that we can't weather?  
  
(A B/A fan joins hands with a B/S fan, who smiles at a B/X fan; the B/X fan  
puts his arm around a W/T fan)  
  
Quiet Fan:Long angst trips - We've all been there!  
They act like dips - Why should we care?  
  
All:What can't we face it we just watch it?  
There's fanfiction if ME botched it!  
Every quirk - We'll stand for it  
It's watch or quit-  
  
Author:Hey, I've quit twice.  
  
All:What can't we face if we're together?  
What can ME do that we can't weather?  
  
First Fan:-We're together!  
  
Quiet Fan:There's nothing we can't face-  
  
Lone Gun Fan:... Except for Marti!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(The scene opens on a group of fans discussing the plots holes and inconsistencies of the characters, script, etc. while walking past another fan and a blonde woman on the street. The fan in the background is waving a recent script and singing to the strange blonde.)  
  
Fan in background:... It isn't right, it isn't fair  
Your old boyfriend isn't there  
We're not part of your nightmare!  
  
Just leave poor Spike alone!!!-  
  
(Fans discussing walk off)  
  
  
  
  
  
(Scene opens on a fan trying his best to write a letter to Mutant Enemy, telling them how he feels about the current nightmare of a season. He has obviously been driven past where he is able to shrug things off, and is almost being forced to write.)  
  
Male fan:We cried  
So many years ago  
For a strong SF series - Boy, you don't even know!!  
And we thought you had it right  
'Til it began to blow!  
No - No!!  
  
Well that's great, but you've thrown it all away  
And what you all were thinking then, I can't even say  
There's barely a fan left, ME, who doesn't feel betrayed  
So listen to your fans!!  
  
So listen to your fans  
Do what you can  
Piss off *everyone* and we'll leave you, to a man  
The shows were shining once, then the writing hit the fan  
So listen to your fans!  
  
You know, you've got your audience,  
When characters change week to week, it makes them a little tense  
So until your act cleans itself, don't be quite so very dense  
And listen to your fans!  
  
We're your people, Joss,  
As loyal fans, we met the test  
If any fans were true, we were the best  
We were loyal like a man possessed  
Now our hearts are breaking in our chests!  
So if your ratings leave you unimpressed  
Just drop your pride, and-  
  
Listen to your fans!  
Face it like a man!  
Don't touch the characters with plots from tired clumsy ham-hands!  
It's your show, but without us, it'd be in a trash can.  
So listen to your fans!  
Joss, just listen to your fans!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(The show's sixth season is almost over, and the fan from the opening song is addressing the head of Mutant Enemy, who is holding the last few episodes captive as the fan pleads to him.)  
  
Fan:It's a show, and fans they play a part,  
'Cause when the credits start  
We open up our hearts.  
It's all right, to minor string-along  
Our patience is quite strong  
But please don't do us wrong.  
  
While there's life, there's hope  
Every week, a gift  
Wishes can come true  
Smiling while we watch  
Same time, Tuesdays,  
Characters who shine  
Not ones who sit and whine!  
  
Don't do us wrong...  
Don't do us wrong...  
  
Give us something to sing about!  
We need something to sing about!  
  
It's a show  
But fans should not be dissed  
And every last plot twist  
Can show you what you've missed.  
Still, ME  
Continues to ignore  
The million fans or more  
They should be writing for  
  
All the joy  
It brings  
Plotlines  
That zing  
Characters  
In swing!  
But every, single, thing  
Depends on if they string  
Their poor fans along  
  
The same old song  
Shows done us wrong.  
  
(The fan pauses, and looks up at the head of ME, tears in her eyes)  
  
Fan:There was no pain  
No angst, no doubt  
'Til Buffy came out  
Of Heaven.  
  
Will they soar again?  
We watch a Hell  
And I'll say Farewell  
'Fore Seven.  
I fear season seven.  
  
So give us something to sing about!!  
PLEASE!!! Give us something...  
  
(She breaks down crying while the ME head looks on. She is obviously about to go into total breakdown until a second fan comes up to her and gently hugs her.)  
  
Second fan:'Buffy''s not your life  
If the show does you wrong  
You'll get along  
Without it.  
  
You'll get along  
The message you send  
Only will wend  
By leaving.  
Think about just leaving  
If bad plotlines aren't leaving.  
  
Third fan (stepping forward):The hardest thing about a fandom is leaving it.  
  
Joss:Boy, I really got everyone stirred up - Great!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(The season has just ended, and everyone - No exceptions - is not smiling)  
  
Joss:What a lot of fun  
Playing with you's been... Really swell.  
  
(looks at the assortment of fans)  
  
Joss:And no matter what the 'ship, can you say  
This ended well?  
  
All your complaints you've been revealin'  
Now say you're happy fans - Once more, with feelin',  
See you... In Hell!!!  
  
  
(The fans pause, and look at each other in shock)  
  
  
First Fan:Where do we go from here?  
Where do we go from here?  
  
Second Fan:The season's done, and it wasn't fun  
Will I be back next year?  
  
All:Where do we go from here?  
  
When will they give us cheer?  
Now everything's pain and fear?  
Understand that bad scripting's banned  
And to most fans that ain't "mere".  
  
Second fan:Tell me - Where do we go from here?  
  
(One fan realizes what ME's put him through, drops his remote, and says, "Bugger this," as he walks off.)  
  
  
(While others are singing, the first fan joins him outside.)  
  
Leaving Fan:You ought to go back inside - Join the group cry, help fan-wank a bit.  
  
First Fan:I don't want to.  
  
Leaving Fan:Well then, care to join me? - I hear 'West Wing' is very good...   
  
(They walk off into the sunset, under a backdrop of ME's falling ratings.)  
  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
1. The name "Lone Gun Fan" in the "I've got a Theory" song is merely meant to imply that that fan is someone that is a bit of a conspiracist theorizer. I know from my days reading XF fanfiction that there were at least two people who went by the name, and this is in no way meant to imply anything about their personalities or beliefs; I don't know either of them (and they don't know me).   
  
2. I did not include every single song in here, for various reasons, including that I ran low on creative juice before I got to the W/T, A/X, or Giles songs. (Other reasons include that the W/T song is one that I both love and find painful right now, after what they've done to both Willow and Tara - And ironically, I think Willow got it much worse than Tara.)  
  
3. I noticed, in Sixth Season, that that was the first season where NO group of fans seemed happy, no matter what their "Ship", or even those ship-free. I am/have shipped multiple 'ships, including B/S, B/A, B/W, W/T, W/O, A/X, etc., and still speak to fans from those and other sub-genres. And no one was happy and ratings dropped like a rock. I wonder why. (Ironical look) 


	2. The Fan 'Once More, With Feeling' contin...

Insert these in the proper places in the previous work. As before, the music that these verses are set to are copyright 2001 Mutant Enemy and Twentieth Century Fox; and also, as before, these verses are hereby released to the public domain with the sole proviso that these verses, and anything directly derived from these, may not be used for any commercial purposes whatsoever.  
  
  
"Under Your Spell" variation:  
  
  
(A redemptionista fan is watching the episode of _Tabula Rasa_, and her joy is growing as she sees the inner self of Spike shown to be good, with no urge to bite and with an urge to help.)  
  
  
We lived our lives in shadow  
Never to see Spike's true face  
It didn't seem too bad, though  
Because we believed he could change  
Now, changed Spike's on my screen  
Oh God, what could this mean?  
  
  
We're under the light  
How else could it be  
A growing Spike we could see?  
He's fighting the good fight  
Spike has been set free  
To discover what he must be  
  
  
We saw a path - Redemption  
Showing that people could grow  
We always thought that ME  
Never a change they would show  
But love caused a change  
Why is this seen as strange?  
  
We're under the light  
Nothing we can say  
The story swept our hearts away  
Seeing growth towards right  
God, could it be true  
That ME could grow, too?  
You make us believe  
  
  
(Other Spike fans give a exhalation of tension, flowing out of them as they think they see signs of growth)  
  
Fans: Ahhhh, ahhh, ahhh   
  
  
Original Fan: Now there's a changing tide  
A good Spike is not denied  
  
We're under the light  
Cleansing like the sea  
Our spirits rise so gracefully  
The change is a delight  
Faith in goodness shown  
No longer are we alone  
People can change!  
People can change!  
People can change!  
  
  
  
  
  
[Reprise]  
  
(The fan sees the AR scene, and her jaw hangs in disbelief. This is not the Spike of the previous season-and-a-half, and she cannot believe the evidence of her eyes. She looks up from the screen with tears in her eyes.)  
  
  
We believed you so well  
God, how can this be?  
Playing with our hearts, you see  
You've put us all through Hell  
Joss, why can't you see  
You played with our reality  
You made us believe... 


End file.
